Pu-lease!

Consider OUR campaign promise: We'll trade you your vote, and the votes of any deceased relatives, persons over whom you might have power of attorney, domestic animals or livestock, for the following:

1. The legislation of your choice. That's right. We'll submit an actual bill for you, in Congress. (Note: Passage is not guaranteed, and subject to some restrictions. See Constitution for details.)

B. Direct access to the Oval office. Citizens with last names starting in "A" can visit on the first of each month, "B" on the second, and so on. (Only exceptions: persons with last names "Springer," or "Iacocca" and angry truck drivers named "Sue").

III. Targeted tax cuts, directed at people with your exact name, social security number, and date of birth.

If that's not enough, we'll even throw in one free night in the Lincoln Bedroom, while Ray lubes and filters your car on the White House lawn. (Note: if all goes well, you may be sharing the king-sized bed with up to 100,000 other voters.)

Convinced? We thought so.

So, what are you waiting for?

Click on the handy links above to get involved in the Two Zeros in '00 Presidential Campaign.

Standing before you as our own two morons,

We remain,

Tom and Ray
Two Zeros in '00