Mage's Jobs

Yes, difficult as it is to believe, I have a job. In fact, over the years, I've had several. Despite my bad attitude, slovenly dress style, irregular hours, and questionable business sense people keep insisting on hiring me. Go figure. Still, I love a good programming problem, and sometimes I can be lured into actually working if you offer me one. It's up to you to decide if you like the results. There are those who say that I do good work, but then I've always believed in paying off my references. It's so much simpler that way.

Prehistory

Long ago, in a land far, far away (Alabama) I once labored at several non-technical jobs. The horror of it still haunts me, but I feel I must be honest in these pages. In those distant times, my true talents had not yet emerged, and I toiled in meaningless obscurity. Of course, it could be argued that my existence is still pretty obscure and meaningless, but I get paid better now.

The Taco Hell (1989-90)
And believe me, to this day I can still make a mean burrito.
Where the Trash Dies (1990)
Ah, my halcyon days at the trash burning plant. Excuse me, the "Solid Waste to Energy Facility". This is the only job that left scars. (Physically, at least.)
Purgatory (1993)
My last summer job was with R. L. Polk & Co updating their City Directory. I suppose it wasn't a bad job, but somehow I could never really muster a lot of passion for hiking the streets in the Alabama sun to ensure people received more accurately targeted junk mail.

The Summer Jobs

Admittedly, all of the above were summer jobs, too. However, I wanted to draw a clear distinction between the grunt work I did to earn some spending money and the vital, high-quality grunt work I did for technical corporations that makes for good resumé-fodder.

A Company Called TRW (1991-2)
You could claim it was just nepotism that I got this job, but but at least I wasn't working in my father's project group. For two summers, I worked on vital defense department projects which would undoubtedly have helped protect the United States from its enemies if budget cuts hadn't scuttled all of them.
Inside Intel (1994)
Despite my long dedication to the Macintosh, I wound up working as a co-op for Intel while in graduate school. I was in the supercomputers division which sounds good but mostly means that it was the corporate backwater. It's also the only project I've worked on that has ever seen the light of day. Call me old-fashioned, but it's nice to think something I had a hand in is actually being used by someone.

Academia

Not all of my time in school was wasted learning the vital information which would build my skills while utterly failing to impress potential future employers. I also chased women. However, I was something of a nerd, so I only rarely caught them. To kill time I sometimes worked on campus.

The Projector (1991-2)
Sure, as a projectionist, you get paid to watch movies. But you don't get to pick the movies. And even the good ones aren't that good the fourth time in two days.
Gigantic Fish in a Really Little Pond (1991-3)
Want a feeling of godlike power? Be the only system admin on the only usable computer system on campus. Luckily, I was never tempted to abuse my powers. Muhahahahahaha!
Tiny Fish in a Slightly Larger Puddle (1993)
Being an admin is a lot less exciting when you're just the junior cog in a department instead of the Great Lord and Master. Not that I made people call me that at Trinity or used my authority to extort women into dating me. Well, just that once.
Ethical Challenges 201 (1995)
I'm not sure OGI normally permits the TA to also be taking the class for which he grades the exams. I haven't been darned to heck yet, though, so I guess it all came out all right.

The "Real" World

At last, despite my best efforts, I was awarded several degrees and kicked out of school. With nothing but my wits to sustain me I was clearly doomed, so I sought out what many refer to as "gainful employment." For years, I had been enduring threats and stories about the Real World that waited to crush my tiny, academia-sheltered soul. Luckily, I was able to find work as a programmer, so life is still a lot like college except I get paid a ton of money to do what I do anyway. And to think I was actually worried.

Titan: The Mouse That Squeaked (1995-6)
I got too long-winded, so here are the details.
iNetSpace or Titan II (1996-7)
Well, iNetSpace is as dead as the proverbial doornail, so I suppose I can feel free to vent my spleen a bit. I'm liable to get long-winded again, so let's just move the details here.
Source Media (1997-2000)
I guess I really should fill this in now. I'll get to it.
DCA Services (2000-present)
I never comment on my current employer.

My Future

Given the current state of the industry (not to mention the facts that I'm 31 and most software companies have lousy pension plans), I deem it unlikely that I will remain with one company forever. If you'd like to lure me away, I'm sure I could be happy goofing off and ignoring orders at your company instead. My salary demands have always been quite reasonable: all I've ever asked for is a quarter million a year and a corporate jet. In return, I promise to wear clever t-shirts, hang up Dilbert comics, and badger your other employees into subscribing to my mailing lists. And maybe, just maybe, code up something wonderful for you.

Check out my resumé and then drop me a note.

The DarkMage <barkley@cirr.com>

Last modified: Tue Sep 5 01:06:50 CDT 2000